07S41

23.9.07

examination chiller...

Ahh. the long awaited examination period. Guess everyone's mugging hard, but still, taking some time off to chill is a great way to relieve stress. I've compiled a "short" list of jokes and fun stuff for all of us. If you are bored (which you most probably are or else you wouldnt have visited this blog), just scroll down and read. Got most of them from my mum's email. Oh well, guess im bored myself. =p

The Duck & the Lawyer

A big city lawyer went duck hunting in rural Tennessee . He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence. As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing.

The litigator responded, "I shot a duck and it fell in this field, and now I' m going to retrieve it."
The old farmer replied, "This is my property, and you are not coming over here."
The indignant lawyer said, "I am one of the best trial attorneys in the United States and, if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take everything you own."
The old farmer smiled and said, 'Apparently, you don't know how we settle disputes in Tennessee . We settle small disagreements with the 'Three Kick Rule.''
The lawyer asked, "What is the 'Three Kick Rule'?"
The Farmer replied, "Well, because the dispute occurs on my land, I get to go first. I kick you three times and then you kick me three times and so on back and forth u until someone gives up."

The attorney quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the local custom. The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the attorney. His first kick planted the toe of his heavy steel toed work boot into the lawyer's groin! and dropped him to his knees. His second kick to the midriff sent the lawyer's last meal gushing from his mouth. The lawyer was on all fours when the farmer's third kick to his rear end, sent him face-first into a fresh cow pie. The lawyer summoned every bit of his will and managed to get to his feet. Wiping his face with the arm of his jacket, he said, "Okay, you old fart. Now it's my turn." The old farmer smiled and said , "Nah, I give up. You can have the duck."

Think you know everything?

Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated.
Peanuts are one of the ingredients of dynamite.
There are 293 ways to make change for a dollar. (do your permutations!!)
The average person's left hand does 56% of the typing.
The shark is the only fish that can blink with both eyes.
There are more chickens than people in the world.
Two-thirds of the world's eggplant is grown in New Jersey.
The longest one-syllable word in the English language is 'screeched.'
On a Canadian two dollar bill, the flag flying over the Parliament building is an American flag.
All of the clocks in the movie 'Pulp Fiction' are stuck on 4:20.
No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver, or purple.
'Dreamt' is the only English word that ends in the letters 'mt'.
All 50 states are listed across the top of the Lincoln Memorial on the back of the $5 bill. Almonds are a member of the peach family.
Maine is the only state (in USA) whose name is just one syllable.
There are only four words in the English language which end in 'dous': tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and hazardous.
Los Angeles' full name is 'El Pueblo de Nuestra Senora la Reina de los Angeles de Porciuncula' - A cat has 32 muscles in each ear.
An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
Tigers have striped skin, not just striped fur. (this made me "lol")
In most advertisements, the time displayed on a watch is 10:10.
Al Capone's business card said he was a used furniture dealer.
The characters Bert and Ernie on Sesame Street were named after Bert the cop and Ernie the taxi driver in Frank Capra's 'It's a Wonderful aLife.'
A dragonfly has a life span of 24 hours. (true? o.0)
A goldfish has a memory span of three seconds.
A dime has 118 ridges around the edge.
It's impossible to sneeze with your eyes open.
The giant squid has the largest eyes in the world.
In England, the Speaker of the House is not allowed to speak.
The microwave was invented after a researcher walked by a radar tubeand a chocolate bar melted in his pocket.
Mr. Rogers was an ordained minister.
The average person falls asleep in seven minutes.
There are 336 dimples on a regulation golf ball. (bo liao >.>)
'Stewardesses' is the longest word that is typed with only the left hand.

And on to some tough questions:

Question 1: If you knew a woman who was pregnant, who had 8 kids already, three who were deaf, two who were blind, one mentally retarded, and she had syphilis, would you recommend that she have an abortion?

Read the next question before looking at the response for this one.

Question 2: It is time to elect a new world leader, and only your vote counts. Here are the facts about the three candidates.

Candidate A: Associates with crooked politicians, and consults with astrologist. He's had two mistresses. He also chain smokes and drinks 8 to 10 martinis aday.
Candidate B. He was kicked out of office twice, sleeps until noon , used opium in college and drinks a quart of whiskey every evening.
Candidate C He is a decorated war hero. He's a vegetarian, doesn't smoke, drinks an occasional beer and never cheated on his wife.
Which of these candidates would be our choice?

Decide first... no peeking, then scroll down for the response.

Candidate A is Franklin D. Roosevelt.
Candidate B is Winston Churchill.
Candidate C is Adolph Hitler.

And, by the way, on your answer to the abortion question: If you said YES, you just killed Beethoven.

Pretty interesting isn't it? Makes a person think before judging someone.
Remember:
Amateurs...built the ark.
Professionals...built the Titanic

Hope you have some fun with this. Now go back and do your work!

Anonymous